Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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