Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
