I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize