i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's get the cat blown out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
