btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
