you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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