we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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