Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
