So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
