I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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