I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize