If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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