Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
