he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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