Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
