It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
