literally had 100 drinks last night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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