the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
