Do vagina's smell?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
