i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
