I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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