This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
