im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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