I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
