Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
