You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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