I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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