Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
