Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
