I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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