The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
