I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
