Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
