Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
