it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
