Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
