At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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