You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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