found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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