1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
