and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize