There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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