Got a toothbrush?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
