Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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