So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
