i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
