i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
