just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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