facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
