She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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