you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
