You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
