Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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