I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
