The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
