So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
