It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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