Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
