i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize