You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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