these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
