can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
