I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Success! We fucked roommates!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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