you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
