His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
