stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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