I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sex in a hospital.. check
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
