Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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