actually, I'm a sock model
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
