Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
