im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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