She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
