thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
