can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
