her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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