I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
