I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize