her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A+ Viking dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
