Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
